The Amplification Of Motherhood: It’s A Sh*t Show
An ode to motherhood, kids have a PR problem, and grannies as an economic engine.
The Next Big Think! will send you one number, two insights, and three links weekly to keep you ahead of societal shifts.
#HumanMoms
64% of Millennial women agree, “I’m tired of trying to be a super-mom, super wife, and/or super employee.”
Why care? Women don’t want to be superhero figures anymore; they want to be humans who are loved, respected, and have time to sleep. Give women in your life a break this Mother’s Day (let them sleep in).
Source: Harris theSkimm: State of Women report
2 Insights
#1. The Amplification Of Motherhood: It’s A Sh*t Show
#ISO…
It will keep you up all night.
It will cry and moan.
You have to deal with poop daily.
There will be vomit.
There will be doctor visits.
Things will be destroyed.
Anarchy will reign.
It's not a baby, it’s a puppy!!!
#momdogs
My strategic soulmate Julie Feldmeier and I were joking, what if puppies were highlighted the same as motherhood on social media? Would anyone sign up? I mean, puppies barf on your shoes too.
Abbey and I continued this conversation as she told me she understands the first year will be hard; she is watching TikTok, getting prepared like she is going to war (congrats Abbey!).
This got me thinking, what is the state of motherhood and the role of social media? Is social media simply acting as the mirror to motherhood, or is it keeping us in a cycle of motherhood dystopia (e.g., jokes about losing it, incompetent fathers, gentle parenting shame, etc.)?
And then I tapped into Julie to get her POV:
“I think there are so many variables here, but I think the fundamental issue is that motherhood (parenthood, really) has a PR problem. The way we (we = parents, social media, & media at large) talk about parenting -- the self-deprecation, the nonstop laments, etc. -- is for most parents, I think, quite different from reality.
I mean, I have two young kids and I'm exhausted -- but if you told me all I had to do to be well-rested again was to give up my kids, it'd be a hard pass. (But I'd gladly give them up for a weekend! Any takers?)
I think there are two reasons we lean into the negative narrative. One is that it's really hard to put into words the joys of parenting. On the whole, our society has a fundamental discomfort with discussing intimacy and tenderness.
And two, parenting is a really insular pursuit in today's world. And the easy way to build connection seems to be through shared struggles -- e.g. the laws of co-misery apply. Moaning about the drudge of parenting is relatable and elicits empathy, while the people who extol parenthood come off as threatening. More often than not, parenting positivity elicits comparison and competition.
I think your dog-mom example is such an interesting one, because if you think about it, there's no real threat in bragging about how much you love your dog. Fido can be the cutest/smartest/best-behaved and Rover can be the cutest/smartest/best-behaved and no one is really trying to jockey for top dog-mom honors. Dog love, evidently, is not a zero-sum game. But in the prevailing culture of trying to raise tiny humans, we're still struggling to shed this zero-sum mentality.”
What the data tells us:
Why is motherhood PR an issue? Three things: women, in general, are having fewer children, society feels less kid-friendly, and I’m concerned women are enjoying motherhood less because they get caught in the dark side.
Fewer children:
The rates of women having kids are down across the board according to Pew. And it’s not just social media’s dilemma, it’s a social support dilemma. Women often cite the unpaid caretaking that women shoulder as a major reason they hesitate having children. In fact, Oxfam found if you paid women minimum wage for all the unpaid labor, women in the US would have earned $1.5 trillion annually.
In our research with theSkimm, we see that:
76% of Millennial women agree, “Women are largely responsible for unpaid labor and mental load at home (e.g., women doing more household labor, taking on scheduling, etc.),” a figure even higher for married moms (82%).
What we find interesting is when we talk to young women they speak of an internal hesitation around kids asking themselves with their student debt, career uncertainty, and aging parents could they do it? And what would it be like to do without foundational social support?
Note: We also want to acknowledge there are rising groups to consider of CBC or CNBC (e.g., childless by choice, or childless not by choice), which is fostering people’s ability to lead beautiful and meaningful lives without kids, which we’ve covered before.
Less kid-friendly:
In our research with theSkimm, we see that:
70% of moms say, ”I am tired of being judged for how I parent when my kids are just being kids.
We’ve seemed to move from the ‘We are the world, we are the children’ Micheal Jackson era, to ‘Move b*tch, get out of my way’ Ludacris era. Lately, there are so many debates positioning parents against non-parents, which I believe is more an indicator of dialed-up attention-seeking algorithms than actual reality. In these arguments, kids' have been positioned as a personal problem vs. a societal benefit. You choose to have kids, but they aren’t my problem attitude. But what happens when it reaches extremes like the outraged man on Southwest screaming at a screaming baby? Kids are a part of the fabric of society, and we need more messages to remind us of the positive role they play in society.
Less enjoyment:
In our research with theSkimm, we see that:
73% of Millennial moms said, “I feel overwhelmed by the demands of being a parent.”
71% of Millennial women said it’s their job to be the Chief Worry Officer (CWO) – tasked, explicitly and implicitly, with the mental load at home and at work of thinking through every scenario and planning for every contingency.
What happens when you are caught consuming videos over and over about the difficulties?
Yes, motherhood is tough, difficult, and all-consuming, especially when you are the Chief Worry Officer. But it is also wonderful, nurturing, soul-moving, and filling-- and social media is less great at covering; it’s harder to capture.
These are some of my heart-filled moments- of the past couple of weeks, it’s hard to capture much fun we were having.
What to think about:
Social media has been an incredible platform for connecting mothers and helping them feel seen, heard, and in community with others over the brutal reality of motherhood. But how can we do a better job amplifying the tiny joys, the incomprehensible fullness, and the savory moments of motherhood without the cliches of perfection and the traps of zero-sum comparison? Whoever did the dog PR needs to jump on the kid bandwagon stat.
#2. Grannies As An Economic Force
What:
In partnership with Fortune uncovered the data that showcases that Grandmas are the unsung heroes of the American economy. As parents struggle to fill childcare gaps and find affordable childcare, they are leaning into today’s grandmothers. John Gerzema, our CEO, recently said ‘Grandmas get paid in hugs’, which greatly relieves parents struggling to keep up with inflation and rising childcare costs.
What the data tells us:
In our annual Parents Confidence report with Kindercare we found that:
57% of parents with children under 12 say that the cost of child care is just as or more difficult to keep up with than student loans or a mortgage
And with Fortune, we found that the vast majority, 92%, of Americans believe grandmas are making significant economic contributions through the childcare they provide. Moreover, about 83% say that without this care, the American economy would suffer.
This is a recent slide we presented that brings all the data together:
What to think about:
How do we give recognition where it’s due? Let’s celebrate the grandmothers and aunties that hold our society together. One example that the internet loves lately is New Balance + Aime Leon Dore new campaign ‘Life in Balance,’ celebrating chic grandparents, especially cool grandmas. Being seen and recognized in society isn’t just a nice to have, it’s necessary to feeling valued.
Also, let’s fix access to childcare, so cool grandmas can also take a break ;).
3 Links
The Devastation of Things Going Exactly to Plan- this is an ode to motherhood and finding new identities after kids leave (Podcast: A Slight Change of Plans)
Bonus: Check out our recent work with First Tee.
Curiosity is contagious; if you like this newsletter, please share it!!
Penned by Libby Rodney and Abbey Lunney, founders of the Thought Leadership Group at The Harris Poll. To learn more about the Thought Leadership Practice, just contact one of us or find out more here.
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