The $60K Job You Never Applied For: Parenting’s Hidden Costs
Skylight's recent report highlights the substantial mental load it takes to parent in today's world
The mental load isn't just an invisible tax on parents—it's practically a full-time job. For most parents today, managing the household and planning for their children's future feels like steering a ship through a storm with no sight of land.
This role often goes unrecognized, making it all the more exhausting and relentless. Recently, we partnered with Skylight, a company known for its innovative approach to easing family life, to shed light on the magnitude of this burden covered with The Skylight Mental Load Report by Fast Company: If parenting were paid, it would earn a $60,000 salary.
For those curious about the personal toll it takes, Skylight offers a Mental Load calculator that helps parents see the hidden weight they carry.
What Does the Data Say?
1. Modern Parenting: From Parent to Project Manager
Parenting has morphed into a role akin to that of a product manager, with parents dedicating over 250 hours annually to managing schedules for activities like camps, after-school programs, and family vacations. This amounts to approximately 6.5 work weeks focused solely on logistical coordination. At the center of a relentless communication network, parents manage over 900 messages each year related to their children's activities. Personally, I receive at least seven messages daily from WhatsApp, three separate school apps, and emails, all for just two kids under the age of six.
Note: Before suggesting that children should be less scheduled and spend more time playing independently, it's important to recognize that the current parenting ecosystem doesn't support this ideal, especially for working parents. For many, organized activities are not just for enrichment; they're a necessary form of childcare.
2. Valuing the Invisible Work of Parents
Our research with Skylight puts a price tag on this unseen labor—valued at approximately $60,000 annually if it were compensated. This figure not only reflects the time invested but also the substantial mental and emotional toll it takes, consuming 63% of a parent's cognitive resources on an average day.
3. The Mental Load Diminishes the Joys and Strains Relationships
This relentless scheduling does more than exhaust parents—it significantly diminishes the joys of parenting and strains relationships:
58% of parents said they spend more time managing the logistics of parenting than experiencing the joys of parenting.
50% of parents have had more arguments and miscommunications with their partner because of the burden of dealing with the family schedule.
61% of parents say that the scheduling load has decreased their time with their partner.
Alarmingly, nearly 1 in 4 of couples have sought out couples therapy due to the burden of family scheduling.
4. The Constant Scheduling Anxiety That Looms Over Parents
The consequences of family scheduling are profound. A staggering 79% of parents have had anxiety about scheduling family tasks. Meanwhile, 81% of parents report that scheduling conflicts have impacted their work, highlighting the scheduling anxiety of balancing professional duties and a child's burgeoning activity calendar.
Parents rely heavily on their calendars in today's fragmented landscape, where essential childcare and family help are often out of reach. This reliance is so critical that nearly one in three parents would prefer to forego sex for a year rather than give up their calendar.
5. Opportunities to Offset The Mental Load
Our previous research with Kindercare highlights that parents navigate a childcare culture fraught with challenges and fragmentation, failing to meet the needs of working families. This misalignment poses significant obstacles for parents attempting to juggle professional responsibilities with the demanding tasks of raising children.
Recognizing the immense pressures of the parental mental load is essential; parents need to feel seen and understood by society. However, it's even more crucial to offer tools and solutions that facilitate seamless coordination across family schedules to help alleviate this burden.
The Skylight Mental Load Study reveals the potential benefits of such improvements underscores the potential benefits of such improvements; when the family schedule is working, more than half of parents report feeling less parenting burnout, experiencing more and better sex, spending more time with their kids, and noticing less anxious children.
What to think about?
Together, we can transform the dynamics of modern parenting. This journey doesn't have to be a solo struggle against a relentless tide. By acknowledging the pressures parents face, developing supportive norms for working families, and implementing systems that enhance efficiency and reduce daily chaos, we can help families reclaim joy and harmony in their lives.
Shout out to Abbey Lunney and Esther Kwon, for leading this report!
3 Links
Sweden launches groundbreaking new childcare law (The Independent)
Division of Labor No. 6: Two parents working in ed-tech raising a one-year-old in Birmingham, Ala. (see real-life examples in Lindsey’s Stanberry’s The Purse)
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Penned by Libby Rodney and Abbey Lunney, founders of the Thought Leadership Group at The Harris Poll. To learn more about the Thought Leadership Practice, just contact one of us or find out more here.
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